ESCAPE FROM THE SOCIAL MEDIA COMPARISON TRAP
Any advice that tells you to just log off and live your life is unrealistic.
By Sonya Camille
THE PROBLEM WITH COMPARISON
We are a society that compares everything. We compare jobs, houses, the cars we drive, the schools our kids get into, or we compare our kids when they start walking when they start reading, their grades, their friend group, and opportunities. We compare our jobs, job titles, travel frequency, or expensive adult toys we can or can not purchase. We compare our bodies, hair, eyes, noses, wardrobe, and the list goes on and on. We compare. In fact, we compare when we don’t even think we are comparing.
So you log into your Instagram or Facebook account, and the first picture you see is of a former roommate or friend vacationing with their friends or family in some amazing European city. Next, you see them dressed in the latest fashion trends while sailing all summer on a fantastic chartered yacht with this season’s trendiest beveragino in hand. All of this, mind you, is captured exquisitely and beautifully photographed with attached reels and stories in tow. To top it off, this is all delivered conveniently to your smartphone, tablet, or laptop, ready to make you feel like your life is a crumbling disaster through social media comparison.
Social media is a complex machine, an amazing tool that has done wonders to amplify marginalized voices. Social media has helped many people find community, connect with others or reconnect with old friends and family divided by distance. But only some discuss the detrimental impact. Social media can have an effect on your mental health. The use of social media comes with real mental health impacts. Impacts that also come with being tuned into others’ projected world. A word that is flooded with images of other’s “perfect” life, even if the pictures are perfectly imperfect blurry photo dumps.
Researchers have uncovered and identified the adverse effects that social media can have on our sleep. Evidence shows a link between Social media use and increased feelings of depression and anxiety-particularly among young people.
Research also shows that social media can contribute to heightened feelings of loneliness. According to clinical and social psychologists, sadness, envy, and resentment often accompany social media use and can exacerbate self-criticism and feelings of low self-worth.
WHY CAN’T WE JUST STOP COMPARING
It’s easy to get sucked into the neverending black hole of comparison as you scroll through your feed. Feelings of inadequacies increase as you compare yourself to others. Looking through countless photos on Instagram and Facebook can make you draw the false but pressing conclusion that virtually everyone in the whole wide world is better than you are in every imaginable way. They seem funnier, more intelligent, way more talented, beautiful, fashion savvy, and carefree. On social media, others see, to have better everything and definitely are more worthy than you are or ever will be. All of which is a social media lie! My children grew up hearing me say that there are people who will always be better than you in some area, and you will always find someone in the world that may have more than you- that’s life. But in turn, you are better off and have more than many others- that, too, is life. So stop focusing on what others have and keep your eyes on yourself. I know, especially in the times we are living, that is easier said than done, but it is something we must do to maintain a sense of balance.
The comparison trap is built on a bald-faced lie- yet it’s pervasive. Just know that even the most ostensibly secure and #blessed people can fall into this comparison trap and feel inadequate.
You may ask yourself why? And the answer is this. We fall into the comparison trap because we’re highly visual creatures, and social media is designed to broadcast what’s going on in your life in the most visible way possible. But the story behind the camera is often more complex than what you see on your feed. It’s not like all ecstatic family photos, whimsical weddings, and perfectly-curated shots are intentionally misleading or false (although sometimes they totally are), but it’s only a portion of the truth. If you dig deeper, you’ll find plenty of effort in making this narrative, one that tends to obscure the gritty realness behind the scenes—the crying kids, the massive budget, the retouching.
Even when we capture the perfect shot, when it’s posted, and the likes start flooding in, life carries on with all its messiness. There are still anxieties about work and relationships, bills that need to be paid, and health concerns that zap our energy and mental space. But then, there is the making of a photo and its final product. We all know holding my life up against a well-crafted image can be unhealthy and ultimately pointless. And yet, many of us still get sucked into the comparison trap when looking at other people’s posts.
This discrepancy can largely be chalked up to making assumptions about ourselves and others that are typically untrue. We lack distinction, contextual details, and often the more challenging moments of people’s lives, so we fill in the gaps with our own (sometimes unhelpful or inaccurate) assumptions.
But here’s the truth: simply telling you to log off and live your life is unrealistic. All those tips about avoiding the comparison trap could be more helpful. So what’s a chronically online person to do?
6 Tips To Help you Escape The Social Media Comparison Trap
1. Check In With Yourself
First, check in with yourself to see how social media is impacting your daily life. Many clinical psychologists suggest that before you even open an app, you take a second to evaluate your mental state, mood, and overall feelings (like: “I’m feeling worried” or “I’m not feeling very confident today”) on a scale of 1 to 10. Then, after using social media, you can re-rate your feelings to see how they have changed.
It is critical to assess your feelings often and know when you’re in an excellent space to engage in all aspects of social media. Ask yourself, “Why am I turning to social media right now? Is this going to help me? Will it help meet my needs and feelings (to feel less alone, to channel creativity), or am I better off calling a friend or journaling?
If you feel worse after scrolling, try limiting your screen time or consider a social media break if you can.
2. Engage on Social Media Meaningfully, Not Mindlessly
Pay attention to how you use social media by asking yourself if your time on social media is active (like research for work or making plans with friends) or if your social media engagement is passive (like a mindless boredom scroll)? Ask yourself if your time spent on social media is “self-oriented” (updating your avi) or is it “other-oriented” (over-thinking about or thinking deeply about a specific post or person)? Suppose you’re using it passively and with a focus on others. In that case, that can be a recipe for social comparison, and you should make adjustments and set boundaries accordingly.
3. Set Boundaries and Focus on Connection
Set a digital boundary (like not scrolling in bed) and slam that mute button on accounts that make you feel like garbage. Then, if you want to, follow more accounts that post things that align with your values and make you feel like you have more meaningful interactions.
4. Try To Celebrate Others
While “highlight reels” don’t tell the whole story, the assumption that everyone is miserable behind the scenes is also inaccurate. So making yourself feel better by convincing yourself that someone’s life is actually going up in flames isn’t all that effective. It’s not always easy (especially if your high school bully just won the lottery), but try to shift your perspective when folks share positive updates on their lives.
Next time something cool happening to someone else makes you a little upset, see if you can try to celebrate the people you love or the creators you enjoy. Even if you don’t drop a comment, changing your thoughts can significantly affect how much social media might impact you. Plus, positivity tends to come back to us in one way or another, and it’s also a great way to be inspired on your own journey.
5. Prioritize Your Relationships
Find a balance and shift your focus to relationships and activities outside of social media. We need that reality check from our real relationships to counteract unrealistic ideals and expectations. Create hard stops or real-life obligations that force you to put! The! Phone! Down! Try calling a friend, going for a run, running an errand, or trying an outdoor hobby.
6. Remember That You Are Worth It
Showing yourself more compassion and grace and focusing on your beauty, strengths, and talents can combat being overly self-critical. There will always be others with talents, attributes, experiences, or things we desire and/or admire, and that’s ok. It’s also ok to admit that accepting that concept is complex. It’s essential to validate the feelings that come from what you see on social media. It’s also important to remember how great you are by keeping a highlights folder of meaningful feedback from your work peeps, making a collage of your favorite memories with friends, and writing out everything you love about yourself.
By accepting feelings of insecurity while reminding yourself that you’re valuable just as you are-don’t forget this step! You can start to break out of the comparison trap. Then, you can use social media more positively, compassionately, and productively.
Call Me Camille/Sonya Camille does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended to replace medical advice. Always consult your qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.
HEALTHY HABITS MATTER
3 months into 2023- I’m Cordially checking in on my friends-How’s it going?
By Sonya Camille
So 2023 started with a list of things you wanted to accomplish. A strong desire to stick with the goals you set for yourself. But, how’s it going? In January we said to ourselves, this is it. Promises to set, and establish healthy habits for ourselves. We know and understand that the beginning of the new year closes one chapter and opens a new one, symbolically marking a clean slate. This calendar change and fresh start brought about the setting of new goals or making resolutions-if resolutions is your thing, but why is it so difficult to stick to the goals we set at the start of the year?
Well, a potential answer to that question might be that goals for the new year are often a bit ambitious and require serious lifestyle changes. For instance, someone who doesn’t work out may set a new goal of hitting the gym four times a week. Though it’s a great goal, this will be difficult to achieve for someone who isn’t already in the habit of working out or setting time aside for the gym. In this case, it might be more realistic to start a new routine of gradually waking up earlier in the morning and moderating unhealthy foods. With the habit of slowly waking up earlier, you might find that now there’s much more free time in the day and it’s easier to squeeze in a couple gym sessions.
Healthy habits, like waking up earlier, are the key to success when it comes to achieving those big goals and resolutions. Though starting new habits and routines may not initially appear to have dramatic results, they certainly accumulate when kept up with. As James Clear, author of the renowned Atomic Habits, writes, “changes that seem small and unimportant at first will compound and turn into remarkable results if you’re willing to stick with them.”
A great example of an everyday healthy habit is reducing screen time. Small squares of technology quickly consume several hours of the day. From Instagram to TikTok, it’s easy to get lost in our phones for longer than we’d like to admit, and we tend to start and end the day with them. Some might detox by opting for a complete social media hiatus–but some might start somewhere less drastic. One way to reduce screen time could be to set your phone in another room or farther away from your bed to ensure your phone isn’t the first and last thing you look at. This habit also means you’re more likely to get out of bed faster in the mornings if you have to get up to turn your alarm off.
A few other healthy habits to continue to work towards in 2023 include making time for self-care. Mindful meditation has been known to present new perspectives on stressful situations and create a more positive overall outlook. Meditation can reduce stress, control anxiety, promote emotional health and even improve the quality of your sleep.
We are told of the importance of meditation in Scripture. Joshua 1:8 tells us to “ Keep this Book of the Law (the Bible) always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful”. And Psalm 1: 1- 3 says, “Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers.” It seems that meditation and prosperity go hand in hand. Not advocating the prosperity gospel as many are promoting these days, but just emphasizing that there is a direct correlation between the benefits of believers meditating on scripture and prosperity-as stated in scripture, there is a connection. Another habit geared towards wellness is increasing water intake. Whether you kickstart your day with a glass of water or drink water gradually throughout the day, doctors agree that hydration is crucial for keeping the body functioning at its best.
The list of healthy habits is endless and can include routines to incorporate either daily, like saying good night to devices early, or occasionally, like a one-day juice cleanse to detox and give the body a quick reset. Whichever habits you choose to work towards, it’s important to learn what does and does not work for you, as everybody is different. So whether you are holding fast to the goals you set for yourself at the onset of the new year, or if you have fallen off the wagon, so to speak, I’m hoping that reading this may inspire you to hop back on the preverbal horse or keep going! Keep shooting for the stars with the goals and resolutions you’ve set for yourself but don’t forget to set up a healthy base of habits that will set you on a lifelong path to success. A path that will continue not just in 2023 but in the years to follow. You can do it, my friend, and Yes, you are worth it!
10 TIPS ON HOW TO TURN STRESSED & DEPRESSED INTO JOY & PEACE
STRESSED & DEPRESSED
THIS CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY SEASON?
YOU’RE NOT ALONE
10 Tips on how to turn stressed & depressed into
Joy & Peace this Holiday Season
By Sonya Camille
This season is noisy. Jingle Bells are ringing on every corner, neighborhood, and home. The holidays include many activities, sights, and aromas, such as baking Christmas cookies, decorating gingerbread houses, and attending ugly sweater parties. Christmas lights and decorations are everywhere. And it wouldn’t seem like Christmas without the numerous gatherings of friends, family, and co-workers. And let’s not forget about the fancy dinner parties everyone throws. Celebrations and festivities are everywhere. All of these are among the many traditions of this busy season. But, let’s face it, only some agree that this is “the most wonderful time of the year.” In fact, studies have shown that this time of year is far from Holly and Jolly for most. But why?
The cold hard truth is that the stress and anxiety of the holiday season can trigger many depressive disorders and sadness. Cooking meals, shopping, baking, entertaining, and the seemingly endless and constant cleaning can be just plain overwhelming.
The Christmas songs and the beloved Christmas Hallmark movies do not help those struggling to make it through this season. The truth is, the movies can be a sad reminder that one’s reality is far different than what is depicted in the love-filled films. Life isn’t always like what’s shown on the big screen; it often is not. The death of a loved one, loss of employment, a breakup, relationship issues, caring for a sick loved one, a divorce, a horrible diagnosis, and financial struggles can leave those struggling to feel helpless, hopeless, alone, unworthy, unloved, and afraid. Life is hard, and this season can be overwhelming. The suffocation felt during this beautiful time of year can make getting through this season challenging.
If you have been feeling this way lately or know someone who has, this list may help to turn your stressed and depressed into Joy and peace this season.
Hey little Drummer Boy! Roll the list please!……
- Surround yourself with positive family and friends. Spending time with those
you care about can uplift your spirits. Remember that time is a gift- cherish your time with the ones you love and who care the most about you. - Be mindful of your budget. Don’t spend and shop impulsively. Remember, it’s not
about the presents, it’s about the people in your life- love them. - Take care of your body. Your own mental and physical well-being needs to be a
priority. Remain active. Exercise and engage in enjoyable activities. Studies show that exercise has known anti-anxiety and anti-depression effects, so make time for your workout. Take a walk around the neighborhood, a walk around your downtown area to look at the holiday lights and displays, or a walk in the park will make your help. If it’s too cold to go outdoors, walk on your treadmill or turn the tv on and walk in place while you watch your favorite Netflix series. - Replace negative thoughts with thoughts of gratitude.
- Serve and Volunteer- Give to a charitable cause. Knowing that you’re making a
positive difference in a stranger’s life can comfort you. - Your diet matters. There is a direct connection between what you eat and your
Mood. Enjoy holiday treats but in moderation. Good nutrition is essential when you’re stressed. Resist overdoing alcohol and sugary items. Instead, bring a veggie tray or healthy treats to the party. You are what you eat. - Get Rest. Take small moments, as necessary, to sit. A quiet moment to sit still
and reflect. Even through difficult times, there is much to be genuinely thankful for in your life. Having a heart of gratitude brings joy. Also, ensure you get the proper hours of sleep each night. Rest affects your mood, so get more z’s, my friend. - Resist the urge to compare yourself to others. Judging yourself against
neighbors. C-workers. Social media or friends is pointless. There will always be those
that have more than you do. Conversely, there will always be those without as much as you. So, focus on yourself with a heart of thankfulness and gratitude. Count your blessing. It may help to write all our the many blessings in your life; as the song says, “name them one by one.” - Don’t worry about how things should be or how you imagined they should be.
It’s ok to relax and enjoy the moments even if you didn’t get the new table setting or
family PJs this year. Create memories and be actively present in the small
and large moments of this holiday season - Ask for help and trim that list down! No need to do it all yourself; ask the family or a
friend for help. Also, not just the tree needs trimming. Trim the list for the baking, the
cooking, or the shopping this year. Protect your peace!
Bonus: Consider help. If you’ve tried everything and you feel as if your sadness
` is impacting your way of life, consider getting help from a professional. Seek
assistance from your primary care provider or therapist if you recognize any
changes in your mood, such as low energy, no drive or motivation to do things,
increased sadness, diet changes, or sleep disturbance.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
This world has many opinions on how one should ultimately obtain joy and happiness from money, the house, the car, the latest and greatest everything, a successful career to possessions and material things, or by finally finding that special someone to do life with. If you feel something is missing in your life and can’t find the Joy and Peace of this season, then Jesus is the answer. Nothing else will fill the void. No one else can give you the happiness you are seeking. If things, money, or possessions gave the joy that most seek, there would be more truly happy and content people in this world. But, unfortunately, so many do not find lasting JOY in all the many things I mentioned because you can not find lasting, fulfilling happiness in things or people. Possessions, just like people, will come and go. They will break or get lost. They will fail you, abandon you, leave you or abuse you. But God, my friend, is the only one who can give you the JOY you seek. He is the only one that can fill that deep, dark void in your life that money, possessions, and things are not or can not fill.
If you truly want a fulfilling, meaningful life and a life full of JOY & PEACE, then Jesus is the only way! John 14:6 “Jesus said, I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
I pray this helps someone today! God bless, and Merry Christmas to you all!
