Finding Healing and Strength After Loss
By Sonya Camille
So, this is my third Mother’s Day without my sweet mama. I shy away from thoughts that it’s getting better but rather celebrate that I’m improving. I’m better in that instead of tears; my heart only drops slightly at the thought of not having Mom here with me. Instead of hyperventilating while crying, warm tears quietly roll down my cheeks when I see something or hear something that reminds me of her. Oh, how I miss her! Her absence is felt everywhere, and the void she left is deep and hollow.
The other day while having brunch with a group of my girlfriends, I noticed a mother and daughter sitting at a table adjacent to ours. The mother appeared to be the approximate age my mother would be if she were still here, and the daughter seemed to be my age as well. I couldn’t help but keep looking at them. I pictured my mother sitting there. My mom was always well dressed and classy, her nails done, her hair gorgeous, and she had the most amazing and dynamite smile imaginable. Seeing the mother/daughter smile and laugh made me smile, but it saddened me also. Why? Because I knew my mom loved being with me. Mom loved going places with me, hanging out with the family and me, and she loved talking to me several times each day. She always made me feel that whatever I spoke to her about was the most interesting, and she never missed an opportunity to affirm and encourage me. She loved everything about her family, and I know she would have loved being at that beautiful restaurant with me, enjoying brunch and engaging in whatever conversation she and I would have had. That thought is what made my eyes fill up with tears. She loved life, and I loved her being in my life.
I was so engrossed in watching that I wasn’t present in my conversation with my sweet friends. So I had to make it up to them by treating them to coffee the following week. They knew what I was thinking or had an idea, and I’m sure they saw my tear-filled eyes, so they showed me grace and love as they knew by the look on my face that I was definitely having a moment.
While watching, I struggled a bit to keep my thoughts under control. Feelings of “it’s not fair” itis kept trying to invade my thoughts. Even still, I did resist the urge to utter the words or ideas that it was not fair that my mother wasn’t with me when she was such an amazing mother and grandmother. I fight that thought and toss it out whenever it even comes close to knocking on my thought door. 2 Corinthians 10:5b says, “Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” As this scripture suggests, keeping those thoughts in captivity is genuinely an act of discipline and mental toughness. How foolish of me to ever begin to have such thoughts when I know my God and believe wholeheartedly that His ways are far above mine and His thoughts are beyond anything I could ever comprehend. That said, God fulfilled His will for my mother’s life. His will for my mother’s life in calling her home at such an early age caused me sadness here on earth, but it was His will. Although I don’t understand, I choose to trust Him and put my faith in Him because He has never failed me or let me down. He’s faithful through every season, so why would he fail now…just as the song (see link below)says, HE WON’T! I truly do have a peace that makes no sense, and I know that, that my friend is God!
Mother’s Day is a bittersweet occasion for those who have lost their mothers. While the world around us celebrates the joy and love of motherhood, we may find ourselves grappling with a profound sense of loss and grief. However, even amid the pain, we can honor our mothers’ memory and find solace by embracing our mental health, seeking therapy, and drawing strength from God’s Word.
5 Gentle Reminders
1. Embracing Grief and Mental Health: The loss of a mother is an indescribable sorrow that can profoundly impact our mental health. It is crucial to acknowledge and embrace our grief instead of suppressing it. Allow yourself times to mourn, to cry, and to remember. Acknowledge that it is okay to feel a mix of emotions on Mother’s Day—sadness, anger, nostalgia, and even moments of happiness. Give yourself permission to grieve in your own way, and remember that healing is a gradual and unique process for each individual.
2. The Power of Therapy: During times of grief, seeking therapy can be immensely beneficial. Therapy provides a safe space to express our emotions, explore our thoughts, and develop coping strategies. Professional therapists can guide us through the grieving process, help us navigate complex emotions, and provide valuable tools to manage our mental health. They can also assist in identifying any unresolved issues that may arise after a mother’s passing and support us in finding healthy ways to address them.
3. Reflecting on Biblical Teachings: The Bible offers comforting words and wisdom for those experiencing loss and grief. Scriptures can provide solace and strength as we navigate Mother’s Day without our mothers. Psalm 34:18, it states, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” This reminder assures us that we are not alone in our pain and that God is present in our sorrow, offering comfort and healing.
4. Celebrating the Legacy: Though our mothers may no longer be physically present, their legacy continues to live on within us. Take this Mother’s Day as an opportunity to honor their memory by celebrating the qualities they instilled in us—their love, kindness, strength, and resilience. Engage in activities that were dear to your mother’s heart, or that you shared together, such as cooking her favorite meal, visiting her favorite place, or engaging in a hobby, she enjoyed. This act of remembrance can bring solace and a sense of connection.
5. Connecting with Others: Sharing your feelings and memories with others who have experienced a similar loss can be profoundly comforting. Seek to find support groups or online communities where individuals who have lost their mothers gather to share their experiences. These spaces provide a sense of belonging and understanding, reminding us that we are not alone in our grief. Opening up about our emotions and stories can foster healing and offer valuable insights into navigating this journey.
Honoring Mother’s Day after the passing of our mothers may seem challenging, but it is possible to find healing, strength, and solace. Embracing our mental health, seeking therapy, finding comfort in the Biblical teachings of God’s Word, celebrating our mothers’ legacies, and connecting with others who share similar experiences are all essential components of this healing process. Remember, while our mothers may no longer be with us physically, their love and influence endure within us, guiding us through life’s challenges. May this Mother’s Day be an opportunity to reflect, heal, and cherish the memories we hold dear.
Llink To Song: https://youtu.be/uOP4s8fOEm0
