Any advice that tells you to just log off and live your life is unrealistic.
By Sonya Camille
THE PROBLEM WITH COMPARISON
We are a society that compares everything. We compare jobs, houses, the cars we drive, the schools our kids get into, or we compare our kids when they start walking when they start reading, their grades, their friend group, and opportunities. We compare our jobs, job titles, travel frequency, or expensive adult toys we can or can not purchase. We compare our bodies, hair, eyes, noses, wardrobe, and the list goes on and on. We compare. In fact, we compare when we don’t even think we are comparing.
So you log into your Instagram or Facebook account, and the first picture you see is of a former roommate or friend vacationing with their friends or family in some amazing European city. Next, you see them dressed in the latest fashion trends while sailing all summer on a fantastic chartered yacht with this season’s trendiest beveragino in hand. All of this, mind you, is captured exquisitely and beautifully photographed with attached reels and stories in tow. To top it off, this is all delivered conveniently to your smartphone, tablet, or laptop, ready to make you feel like your life is a crumbling disaster through social media comparison.
Social media is a complex machine, an amazing tool that has done wonders to amplify marginalized voices. Social media has helped many people find community, connect with others or reconnect with old friends and family divided by distance. But only some discuss the detrimental impact. Social media can have an effect on your mental health. The use of social media comes with real mental health impacts. Impacts that also come with being tuned into others’ projected world. A word that is flooded with images of other’s “perfect” life, even if the pictures are perfectly imperfect blurry photo dumps.
Researchers have uncovered and identified the adverse effects that social media can have on our sleep. Evidence shows a link between Social media use and increased feelings of depression and anxiety-particularly among young people.
Research also shows that social media can contribute to heightened feelings of loneliness. According to clinical and social psychologists, sadness, envy, and resentment often accompany social media use and can exacerbate self-criticism and feelings of low self-worth.
Why Can’t We Just Stop Comparing
It’s easy to get sucked into the neverending black hole of comparison as you scroll through your feed. Feelings of inadequacies increase as you compare yourself to others. Looking through countless photos on Instagram and Facebook can make you draw the false but pressing conclusion that virtually everyone in the whole wide world is better than you are in every imaginable way. They seem funnier, more intelligent, way more talented, beautiful, fashion savvy, and carefree. On social media, others see, to have better everything and definitely are more worthy than you are or ever will be. All of which is a social media lie! My children grew up hearing me say that there are people who will always be better than you in some area, and you will always find someone in the world that may have more than you- that’s life. But in turn, you are better off and have more than many others- that, too, is life. So stop focusing on what others have and keep your eyes on yourself. I know, especially in the times we are living, that is easier said than done, but it is something we must do to maintain a sense of balance.
The comparison trap is built on a bald-faced lie- yet it’s pervasive. Just know that even the most ostensibly secure and #blessed people can fall into this comparison trap and feel inadequate.
You may ask yourself why? And the answer is this. We fall into the comparison trap because we’re highly visual creatures, and social media is designed to broadcast what’s going on in your life in the most visible way possible. But the story behind the camera is often more complex than what you see on your feed. It’s not like all ecstatic family photos, whimsical weddings, and perfectly-curated shots are intentionally misleading or false (although sometimes they totally are), but it’s only a portion of the truth. If you dig deeper, you’ll find plenty of effort in making this narrative, one that tends to obscure the gritty realness behind the scenes—the crying kids, the massive budget, the retouching.
Even when we capture the perfect shot, when it’s posted, and the likes start flooding in, life carries on with all its messiness. There are still anxieties about work and relationships, bills that need to be paid, and health concerns that zap our energy and mental space. But then, there is the making of a photo and its final product. We all know holding my life up against a well-crafted image can be unhealthy and ultimately pointless. And yet, many of us still get sucked into the comparison trap when looking at other people’s posts.
This discrepancy can largely be chalked up to making assumptions about ourselves and others that are typically untrue. We lack distinction, contextual details, and often the more challenging moments of people’s lives, so we fill in the gaps with our own (sometimes unhelpful or inaccurate) assumptions.
But here’s the truth: simply telling you to log off and live your life is unrealistic. All those tips about avoiding the comparison trap could be more helpful. So what’s a chronically online person to do?
6 Tips To Help you Escape The Social Media Comparison Trap
1. Check In With Yourself
First, check in with yourself to see how social media is impacting your daily life. Many clinical psychologists suggest that before you even open an app, you take a second to evaluate your mental state, mood, and overall feelings (like: “I’m feeling worried” or “I’m not feeling very confident today”) on a scale of 1 to 10. Then, after using social media, you can re-rate your feelings to see how they have changed.
It is critical to assess your feelings often and know when you’re in an excellent space to engage in all aspects of social media. Ask yourself, “Why am I turning to social media right now? Is this going to help me? Will it help meet my needs and feelings (to feel less alone, to channel creativity), or am I better off calling a friend or journaling?
If you feel worse after scrolling, try limiting your screen time or consider a social media break if you can.
2. Engage on Social Media Meaningfully, Not Mindlessly
Pay attention to how you use social media by asking yourself if your time on social media is active (like research for work or making plans with friends) or if your social media engagement is passive (like a mindless boredom scroll)? Ask yourself if your time spent on social media is “self-oriented” (updating your avi) or is it “other-oriented” (over-thinking about or thinking deeply about a specific post or person)? Suppose you’re using it passively and with a focus on others. In that case, that can be a recipe for social comparison, and you should make adjustments and set boundaries accordingly.
3. Set Boundaries and Focus on Connection
Set a digital boundary (like not scrolling in bed) and slam that mute button on accounts that make you feel like garbage. Then, if you want to, follow more accounts that post things that align with your values and make you feel like you have more meaningful interactions.
4. Try To Celebrate Others
While “highlight reels” don’t tell the whole story, the assumption that everyone is miserable behind the scenes is also inaccurate. So making yourself feel better by convincing yourself that someone’s life is actually going up in flames isn’t all that effective. It’s not always easy (especially if your high school bully just won the lottery), but try to shift your perspective when folks share positive updates on their lives.
Next time something cool happening to someone else makes you a little upset, see if you can try to celebrate the people you love or the creators you enjoy. Even if you don’t drop a comment, changing your thoughts can significantly affect how much social media might impact you. Plus, positivity tends to come back to us in one way or another, and it’s also a great way to be inspired on your own journey.
5. Prioritize Your Relationships
Find a balance and shift your focus to relationships and activities outside of social media. We need that reality check from our real relationships to counteract unrealistic ideals and expectations. Create hard stops or real-life obligations that force you to put! The! Phone! Down! Try calling a friend, going for a run, running an errand, or trying an outdoor hobby.
6. Remember That You Are Worth It
Showing yourself more compassion and grace and focusing on your beauty, strengths, and talents can combat being overly self-critical. There will always be others with talents, attributes, experiences, or things we desire and/or admire, and that’s ok. It’s also ok to admit that accepting that concept is complex. It’s essential to validate the feelings that come from what you see on social media. It’s also important to remember how great you are by keeping a highlights folder of meaningful feedback from your work peeps, making a collage of your favorite memories with friends, and writing out everything you love about yourself.
By accepting feelings of insecurity while reminding yourself that you’re valuable just as you are-don’t forget this step! You can start to break out of the comparison trap. Then, you can use social media more positively, compassionately, and productively.
Call Me Camille/Sonya Camille does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended to replace medical advice. Always consult your qualified health or mental health professional with any questions or concerns about your mental health.